On live journal!


I'm moving blogs.


http://moontempt.livejournal.com/

Typically, I love December. It's my favorite time of the year really. Who couldn't like it?

The Christmas trees and the lights on peoples houses are beautiful. I wish I could leave mine up year round. I would if I weren't afraid that it would catch fire.

I love the cold and giving people presents.

This December hasn't been especially great.

I finally got all of my Christmas shopping done yesterday, so I'm finally glad I got that worry out of the way no matter how broke it's made me. I got everyone that I could think of presents, because if I didn't I'd feel guilty and I enjoy shopping for people AND wrapping the presents. I love wrapping them.

I just can't wait until I have my own family. My own kids to buy for, because that's when it'll be fun again. I walk around Family Dollar all the time looking at all of the toys and wishing I had a kid to buy them for. I think it's mainly because I'm female. Isn't that what all girls want?

Me and Sean hit a rough patch not to long ago, I won't go into details, but I'm still trying to work through the aftermath. I guess it's sort of hard for me, because the same exact thing happened in my past relationship basically. Sometimes it makes me wonder what's wrong with me? Because this doesn't seem to happen to any of my other friends, if you could call them that.
But things are getting better, my trust for him is slowly building back up. It's hard because he's so secretive about things and no matter how much he tells me he's like that with everyone my brain still tells me it's because he has something to hide or that he doesn't trust me to not go through his things.

I know that after a while I won't feel this way, but sometimes things seem so far off, don't they? Because the heartache and sleepless nights seem never ending.

I know that I can push myself through this whole mess though, because I want a future with him. I want my kids to be with him and I want to buy a house with him and just make a home with him. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone and as cheesy as it sounds maybe he's the one that I was meant to be with. No one can read me better or make me happier.

And I know that before I can have that, I have to get through this. And I will because I need to.